Date: 2018-02-12 14:29
Hi Christie , hope someone can help with my decision. After 65 years together and lots of family and financial problems my partner decides he needs space. Says he loves me but is not in love with me. Says it 8767 s not me but him. Accepted that and living separately. Found his profile on dating website. Just played it cool. After confronting him upset, realised faults on both sides and agreed to be just friends for now and who knows what will happen. We had a holiday prebooked to Hawaii and still went together and both had the best holiday ever. We always get along so well when it 8767 s just the 7 of us. After that, we caught up every fortnight for a meal or Sunday brekky to catch up on things and he came over for family functions. But I struggled with the whole friends thing and had an idea he was seeing someone so I called him to catch up telling him I wanted to talk. I explained everything I was feeling and that I understood he needed his space but that I was having a hard time dealing with it. He then told me he had been seeing someone for a few times. Nothing serious yet and that she knows about me and is aware that he is not going to stop catching up with me whenever he wants and that he still loves me but just can 8767 t be with me right now. Says that when he thinks about short term that 8767 s how he feels but when he thinks of long term future all he can picture is me. We then spent the next hour kissing, passionately, cuddling and would have been a whole lot more if I hadn 8767 t stopped him. We left on great terms and I said I needed some time to get my self right and that I wouldn 8767 t be contacting him as much for a while. 9 weeks later he asks me out for Sunday lunch and we have a great time catching up on and kiss and hug goodbye, but every time we catch up, I miss him again. So I tell him that night that I can 8767 t do the friends thing anymore, it 8767 s just too hard,and I font think I can see him anymore. He is sad that he has hurt me so but understands and wishes me every happiness and hopes we can be friends again one day. Since then I found out 7 weeks earlier he had introduced the new girlfriend to his sister. That sounds more serious. I still miss him every day and it is hard to move on. Of course I think we are meant to be together and this phase will pass. Have I done the wrong thing by not being friends anymore. Has it lessened my chances of any glimmer of hope of him every coming back. His daughter is coming down to stay for Xmas and wants to stay with me as we 8767 ll for a couple of days which is great because I 8767 ve pretty much raised her and she 8767 s like my daughter. But that means I will no doubt see him at dome point send I just don 8767 t know what to do or how yo handle this situation. Is he just playing me for a fool, feeling guilty or genuinely confused or is this a midlife crisis and hopefully he 8767 ll see the grass isn 8767 t that greener on the other side or have I lost hi. Forever and I need to forget him and move on. Please help me. All advise would be greatly appreciated especially from a mans point of view as well. thank you all in advance for your help.
I 8767 m going to make one statement about all the sentences you wrote prior to your questions and then I 8767 ll move to the questions. I want to make it clear that, I 8767 m not looking to be dismissive of what you said by saying this, but what I want to comment on is that, all of those events/actions are frozen in history and will never change. They will never be 8775 fixed 8776 because they aren 8767 t 8775 broken 8776 they just 8775 occurred 8776 and you (and he) will need to 8775 accept 8776 that and decide for yourselves what impact those events have on you moving forward.
8775 What I want to know is how can I get him to want to commit and to be honest with me? 8776
The short: You can 8767 t. You cannot make people do something they do not want to and you cannot make them change if they do not want to or are not ready to. I truly feel this now. You can try techniques and tactics that are suggested to attempt to draw out your partners true feelings.. but you cannot MAKE them feel something they don 8767 t and you will need to accept the results if you try that, so I don 8767 t necessarily advise it.. also, I 8767 ve 8775 experimented 8776 with drawing out feelings from women before and it 8767 s not a good idea. Things 8775 happening naturally 8776 is the way, always, I feel. Maybe he 8767 s not ready. Maybe he can 8767 t afford a ring. Maybe he doesn 8767 t know where/how he wants to ask you. Maybe, he wants to propose to you 8775 because he decided to 8776 (a man made a decision) not because you pressured him (a man hates being told what to do, that 8767 s why married men complain about 8775 nagging wives 8776 and why alot of wives complain their husbands never listen, because alot of men will refuse to do what she 8775 wants 8776 him to do because he thinks 8775 hey! she 8767 s not the boss of me! 8776 , especially after 8+ hours of his boss telling him what to do, the last thing he wants is to leave work and hear someone else tell him what to do. Maybe he 8767 s looking for some sort of 8775 evidence 8776 that by 8775 going all in 8776 , so to speak, that he 8767 s making the right choice.. not because you are not the right choice, but, essentially, he might be wanting to consider if he 8767 s truly ready to become 8775 off the market 8776 .. for good.. personally, I feel, where I am in my life now, that if he 8767 s unsure, then it 8767 s not right.., but that 8767 s just me, now.. I 8767 m human)
My boyfriend admitted he was flirting with other girls on FB, girls from his old HS. We haven 8767 t been connecting as much as before so he said maybe he flirted because of that. He told me because i confronted him about a comment he made on a girls wall. I noticed he called one of them wifey, he asked that one girl to 8775 kick it 8776 when he found out she lived literately down the street. Today i asked him if he has ever met with any of them, how he flirted, how far did he go with the genuinely trust he will give me an honest response. He said he never met with any of them and he never flirted with the intentions to cheat on me, physically nor emotionally. We been together for a *censored* over a year. Ever since he admitted he flirted like 8 weeks ago, i been asking questions to clarify the situation here and there (like 8 times ives asked at most this past weeks). I want to move forward but i want closure regarding this situation he told me today after asking him a question regarding the flirting n he said 8775 i am so annoyed you keep bringing this up again and again, im trying to move forward 8776 he continued by saying 8775 i rather watch football and study then talk about this issue 8776 . I admit i dont trust him the way i used to, im the kind of person that doesnt trust people off the batt and when i do, i do it blindly, i trusted him blindly, i have never thought he would ever give me a reason to think he would be capable of cheating, but after he admitted to flirting only because i confronted him, now i do not have the same trust. Just this week he liked a girls picture, a girl that is one of many girls he flirted with, he makes me feel like he still flirting. I know he thinks his trying to fix the situation although he hasn 8767 t done much, his just being his old self, but liking a pic of a girl he flirted with is a dumb move. I told him it bothered me and he got bothered that it bothered me that much. Until i explained in detail why it did. I feel like he thinks because he apologized about the flirting that i shoudn 8767 t bring anything about it up again. I have questions that i feel need answer to close the issue and move forward but he cant seem to answer them without getting bothered..he thinks because he can move forward then i should to just like him. He is the one that flirted and im the one trying really hard to trust him and yet it seems things should be on his terms and i should be moving on at the same pace he is. Doesnt he realize is not that easy? what should i do?? Am i over thinking (which is what he likes saying i do a lot) and maybe i should just drop it? although i still have questions that leave me with doubts?